checked the grades. a’s. well, two a’s and an s for satisfactory.
that means I accomplished far more than I expected to.
when the hell did extreme laziness and an absent willpower become
synonymous with academic achievement and intellectual success?
at least not outside the world of standardized testing. I was seriously worried about one of those letters. irritation and that damn rebellious tendency got the best of me after the parenting seminar and the paper fiasco. exhaustion fueled the irritation that triggered the sleeping rebel and no studying for the pointless final occurred. seriously, though, a semester long group project including a lengthy paper, media documentation, and a presentation, five quizzes, two papers requiring sufficient brain power, two thorough exams demanding ample study time,
and one final exam scheduled on the last day of class.
at 7:30am. I stopped listening four sentences ago.
enter: elise not studying. at all. then factor in the hour-long drive at 6:00AM.
cut to: elise scribbling unintelligible answers to questions she didn't actually read.
it’s possible I never even really fully woke up. so, of course, this all culminated into the ball of anxiety lodged in my stomach whilst I waited all week for grades to be posted.
ask me why I do this shit to myself?
a slightly embarrassed, frustrated look is what you’d get.
clearly, the brain cells are no longer utilized for introspective self-analyses. instead they eagerly line up for a chance to choose their own demise.
death by massive chemical influence?
waste away from excessive laziness?
anxiety-induced total system failure?
avoidance is futile.
if someone can just explain to me how exactly I manage to function at all, much less efficiently enough to swing perfect grades?!
after that,, enlighten me on the reasons behind my inability to produce a shred of willpower...
or my reigning title as:
Lover of the Worst Possible Decisions
and maybe why I can’t seem to find a way out of the:
Land of Bad Choices & Even Worse Mistakes
success suddenly morphs into a foreign concept and I'm haunted by the voice of a standardized test administrator mocking my verbal acuity and looking smug as I struggle to comprehend verbal skills question #107:
success is to happiness as failure is to _______________
a) potato
b) this is the correct answer
c) overdose
d) you have no idea
e) all of the above
what. the. fuck?!
so, I heave a sigh and choose:
c) overdose
(it gives me warm fuzzies)
